i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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