i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
