She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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