i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
