Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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