Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize