i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
