he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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