sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
