Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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