I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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