I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
