he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
