It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
