Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
