bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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