walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
