I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize