I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
