Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
