Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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