I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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