we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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