I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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