You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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