Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize