Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
