im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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