Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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