i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
did you just send me my own nude
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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