worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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