I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
