apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
