Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
