I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize