We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize