my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
