It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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