i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
