Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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