oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize