Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
