And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
