rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
