I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
