he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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