I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
