dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
