Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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