I heard we made out
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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