I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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