You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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