I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
