i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You made out with two different species that night
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
