The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
