i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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