Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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