i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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