And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
