the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
