The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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