True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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