ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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