i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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