sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
