If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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