He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just had sex on a roof
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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