Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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