Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
