He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
