Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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