Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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