i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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