She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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