So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
