i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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