broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
