It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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