How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
