9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
