new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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