like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
