mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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