i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
