I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize