either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just invented taco cereal.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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