The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize