One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
