haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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