woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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