I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
