A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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