His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
