pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
