I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
