brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize