What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
