McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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