I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
