Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
