Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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