A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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