I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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