Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize