Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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