and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
