His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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